Great thinngs overheard while on the beat.
- "The more we sweat in training, the less we bleed on the streets."
- "Your life is not my fault."
- "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
- "Take you hands off the car and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
- "Remember, when you gotta cuff 'em... nobody is your friend."
- "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
- "That says POLICE, not taxi!"
- "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second?" [If you aren't a shooter,,that is the average speed of a 9mm projectile]
- "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
- "You can't outrun a radio."
- "Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
- "Someone somewhere is practicing. If you're not, and someday you should meet, you will lose."
- "Every dog has its day. Good dogs have two."
- "Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
- "I'd rather have the gear and not need it than need the gear I don't have."
- "If it's worth stopping, it's worth writing."
- "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
- "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
- "Listen with your ears, not with your mouth."
- "Some people are meant to be cops, and some people are meant to call the cops."
- "God made tomorrow for the crooks we don't catch today."
- "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
- "God must love stupid people, 'cause he sure made a lot of them."
- "Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."
- "Bullet-proof vests aren't."
- "Law abiding citizens sleep peacefully in their beds, solely because, dedicated men and women stand ready to do violence in their behalf."
- "In God we trust, all others we run NCIC."
- "In God we trust, all others are suspect."
- "Just how big were those two beers?"
- "Uh... yes Chief, it only appeared as if I wasn't paying attention to your speech. Actually, you inspired me to meditate on the mission statement and envision a new paradigm."
- "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
- "Law enforcement is not a spectator sport."
- "There are multiple copies here. You need to press down firmly when signing at the bottom of the ticket."
- "I know, I know! Your kid is an honour student at the juvenile detention centre."
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