This web page is dedicated to those who remind us
that we are human and we do make mistakes.

Sometimes the funniest things in life are not those we make up but those that happen to us. We say things, write things and do things that we think are correct but somehow they come out different. Sometimes it's embarrassing for us and surprising for others, but often it's too funny to be forgotten. Here is my collection of Life's Bloopers.


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Accident Reports
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

Ad Typos
Three-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

The Bible According to Kids
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

Church Bulletins
The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

Courtroom Bloopers
Q: Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?

English Misuse in Signs
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: "It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose."

Family Feud
Q: Name a sign of the zodiac.
A: April.

Foreign Brands
Homo Sausage (beef jerky, Japan)

Instruction Labels
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

Newspaper Headlines
British Union Finds Dwarves In Short Supply

On the Beat
"If it's worth stopping, it's worth writing."

School Excuse Notes
Please excuse my son's tardiness. I forgot to wake him and didn't find him till I started making the beds.

Things Kids Say
(Regarding concerning why lovers often hold hands)
"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing."  - John, age 9

Welfare Requests
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptised on a half sheet of paper.

What the Doctors Wrote
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

Young Scientists
Proteins are composed of a mean old acid.


 
Life's Bloopers was last updated on 2010 March 12