This web page is dedicated to those who remind us
that we are human and we do make mistakes.

Sometimes the funniest things in life are not those we make up but those that happen to us. We say things, write things and do things that we think are correct but somehow they come out different. Sometimes it's embarrassing for us and surprising for others, but often it's too funny to be forgotten. Here is my collection of Life's Bloopers.


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Accident Reports
I told the police I was not injured, but upon removing my hair, I found that I had a fractured skull.

Ad Typos
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

The Bible According to Kids
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

Church Bulletins
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday.

Courtroom Bloopers
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

English Misuse in Signs
From the Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 150,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."

Family Feud
Q: Name a non-living object with legs.
A: Plant.

Foreign Brands
Green Piles (lawn fertilizer, Japan)

Instruction Labels
On Boots children's cough medicine: "Do not drive car or operate machinery."

Newspaper Headlines
The license fee for altered dogs with a certificate will be $3 and for pets owned by senior citizens who have not been altered the fee will be $1.50

On the Beat
"Remember, when you gotta cuff 'em... nobody is your friend."

School Excuse Notes
Irving was absent this morning because he missed his bust.

Things Kids Say
(Regarding confidential opinions about love)
"Love is foolish... but I still might try it sometime."  - Floyd, age 9

Welfare Requests
I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why?

What the Doctors Wrote
The patient refused an autopsy.

Young Scientists
The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits at the top and you sit on the bottom.

Life's Bloopers was last updated on 2010 March 12