This web page is dedicated to those who remind us
that we are human and we do make mistakes.

Sometimes the funniest things in life are not those we make up but those that happen to us. We say things, write things and do things that we think are correct but somehow they come out different. Sometimes it's embarrassing for us and surprising for others, but often it's too funny to be forgotten. Here is my collection of Life's Bloopers.


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Accident Reports
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

Ad Typos
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

The Bible According to Kids
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

Church Bulletins
The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

Courtroom Bloopers
Q: Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?
A: He didn't offer me nothing; he just said I could have the furniture.

English Misuse in Signs
In a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk."

Family Feud
Q: Name something you might be allergic to.
A: Skiing.

Foreign Brands
Ass Glue (blood tonic from donkey parts, China)

Instruction Labels
On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."

Newspaper Headlines
New housing for elderly not yet dead

On the Beat
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

School Excuse Notes
Please excuse Harriet for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday we thought it was Sunday.

Things Kids Say
(Regarding how did your mom and dad meet?)
"They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down. It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values."  - Lottie, age 9

Welfare Requests
I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?

What the Doctors Wrote
Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

Young Scientists
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.


 
Life's Bloopers was last updated on 2010 March 12