This web page is dedicated to those who remind us
that we are human and we do make mistakes.

Sometimes the funniest things in life are not those we make up but those that happen to us. We say things, write things and do things that we think are correct but somehow they come out different. Sometimes it's embarrassing for us and surprising for others, but often it's too funny to be forgotten. Here is my collection of Life's Bloopers.


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Accident Reports
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

Ad Typos
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

The Bible According to Kids
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.

Church Bulletins
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

Courtroom Bloopers
Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas?
A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

English Misuse in Signs
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions."

Family Feud
Q: Name something slippery.
A: A conman.

Foreign Brands
Colon Plus (liquid detergent, Spain)

Instruction Labels
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

Newspaper Headlines
Child's Death Ruins Couple's Holiday

On the Beat
"In God we trust, all others are suspect."

School Excuse Notes
My daughter was absdent yesterday because she was tired. She spent the weekend with the Marines.

Things Kids Say
(Regarding how can you tell if two adults eating dinner at a restaurant are in love?)
"Just see if the man picks up the cheque. That's how you can tell if he's in love."  - Bobby, age 9

Welfare Requests
In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

What the Doctors Wrote
I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.

Young Scientists
All animals were here before mankind. The animals lived peacefully until mankind came along and made roads, houses, hotels and condoms.

Life's Bloopers was last updated on 2010 March 12