This web page is dedicated to those who remind us
that we are human and we do make mistakes.

Sometimes the funniest things in life are not those we make up but those that happen to us. We say things, write things and do things that we think are correct but somehow they come out different. Sometimes it's embarrassing for us and surprising for others, but often it's too funny to be forgotten. Here is my collection of Life's Bloopers.


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Accident Reports
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

Ad Typos
Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

The Bible According to Kids
The Jews were a proud people and, throughout history, they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

Church Bulletins
The Associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge—Up Yours."

Courtroom Bloopers
Q: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
Mr. Brooks: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.

English Misuse in Signs
In an Acapulco hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here."

Family Feud
Q: Name something a cat does.
A: Goes to the toilet.

Foreign Brands
Pansy (men's underwear, China)

Instruction Labels
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."

Newspaper Headlines
Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case

On the Beat
"The more we sweat in training, the less we bleed on the streets."

School Excuse Notes
Please excuse Harriet for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday we thought it was Sunday.

Things Kids Say
(Regarding confidential opinions about love)
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me."  - Dave, age 8

Welfare Requests
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptised on a half sheet of paper.

What the Doctors Wrote
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

Young Scientists
Men are mammals and women are femammals.


 
Life's Bloopers was last updated on 2010 March 12