This web page is dedicated to those who remind us
that we are human and we do make mistakes.

Sometimes the funniest things in life are not those we make up but those that happen to us. We say things, write things and do things that we think are correct but somehow they come out different. Sometimes it's embarrassing for us and surprising for others, but often it's too funny to be forgotten. Here is my collection of Life's Bloopers.


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Accident Reports
In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

Ad Typos
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

The Bible According to Kids
Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

Church Bulletins
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Courtroom Bloopers
Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas?
A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

English Misuse in Signs
In a Bangkok temple: "It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man."

Family Feud
Q: Name a non-living object with legs.
A: Plant.

Foreign Brands
Hornyphon (video recorder, Austria)

Instruction Labels
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

Newspaper Headlines
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

On the Beat
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

School Excuse Notes
Please excuse Mary for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Things Kids Say
(Regarding how a person learns to kiss)
"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you."  - Brian, age 7

Welfare Requests
I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?

What the Doctors Wrote
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

Young Scientists
One hydrogin martini, hold the water.

Life's Bloopers was last updated on 2010 March 12