When I Was a LadFrom The Benny Hill Show on December 27, 1972. Donated by
a friend of the page. |
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| Now when I was a lad life wasn't so bad, |
| We had that big house on the hill. |
| Me dad wore a suit and we even had fruit |
| On the sideboard when no one was ill. |
|
| Ah, but poor Jenny Hogg, she lived on the bog, |
| So wet that her sheep kept on sinking, |
| Her old man used to tell her to run 'round with the umbrella |
| And stop all their wool from shrinking. |
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| Chorus: |
| Oh, let's drink a toast to the gamekeeper's daughter, |
| One look at her and my knees turned to water. |
| Now that she's gone I miss her like mad, |
| She taught me so much when I was a lad. |
|
| Now old Teddy Sparks says she can quote Marx, |
| But he don't mean Karl he means Harpo. |
| Her dad is a fool and her mum was so cruel |
| She was twice drummed out the Gestapo. |
|
| Oh, she failed miserably at geography |
| Or at spelling or doing a sum |
| "Tell me where," said Miss Hoarder, "is the Indian border?" |
| She said, "On the sofa with mum." |
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| Chorus |
|
| Oh, she once gave an actor a ride in her dung cart |
| They passed three trucks and a tractor, |
| Each time she was asked what she'd got she'd reply, |
| "A cartload of dung and a actor." |
|
| Oh, the ninth time it happened the actor's face reddened |
| He said, "Miss I bear you no ill will, |
| But the next time anyone asks what you've got, |
| Do you mind if I top the bill?" |
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| Chorus |
|
| In a meadow one night she said, "You treat me right |
| And I'll drive you out of your mind." |
| We lay in the clover and when it was over |
| She said, "Now it's your turn to be kind." |
|
| Well I'd only a tanner and so with a stammer |
| I gave it to her there and then, |
| She looked at me strange and said, "I haven't got change. |
| You'll have to do it again." |
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| Chorus |
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