Reverend Gray |
| I just come out to say how much I miss old Reverend Gray, |
| Of course, he weren't everyone's cup of tea, |
| But well, I liked his style, he give a service with a smile, |
| And his sermons had a bit of jollity. |
|
| Like sometimes, just for a lark, he'd drop the odd remark, |
| Just to see that everyone was listening. |
| Like he'd say, "I know a man named Hoe, 'cause the vicar stubbed his toe |
| Right down in the middle of the christening." |
|
| And when his fried cod was bad, a lot of people would have got mad, |
| And told the waitress to tell the chef to tuck his hand in, |
| But he just looks up and says, "Miss, it would seem to me that this |
| Is the piece of cod that passeth all understandin'." |
|
| He says, "'Ere, a week last Saturday, we went down Cheddar Way, |
| At a picnic in the caves just for a treat, |
| I took the choir and Reverend George," I says, "Did you see the Devil's Gorge?" |
| He says, "No, I can't stand watching people eat." |
|
| Last week we buried old Fred, but we had to, he was dead, |
| At the funeral, the vicar meets his Uncle Jack. |
| He says, "Well then, how old are you?", he says, "Me, I'm 102," |
| He said, "It's hardly worth your while to goin' back." |
|
| But he always was a visionary, perhaps that's why he become a missionary, |
| Went to Africa to help some native tribe. |
| He come home early one day, we was round there right away, |
| Wondering what wonderous things he would describe. |
|
| He says, "They big Zulus all wears fig leaves, and little pygmies, they wears tea leaves," |
| Oh, he had some intriguing tales to tell. |
| I says, "'Ere, tell me about the pygmy, does he really practice polygamy?" |
| He says, "He don't have to, he does it rather well." |
|
| He says, "I met this plate-lipped Ubangi lass in this tall jungle grass, |
| And I asked her to direct me to the ship. |
| She says, 'I'd like to answer you, but I finds that hard to do, |
| 'Cause you see, you're standing on me bottom lip!'" |
|
| He says, "They gets drunk and goes into a trance, and gets up and starts to dance, |
| On broken glass and sharpened bamboo roots, |
| And burning red-hot coal, and it don't hurt 'em at all, |
| 'Cause you see, they wear these great big hobnail boots." |
|
| Well, one day he packed his tent, back to Africa he went, |
| 'Cause he had faith, of that there was no doubt. |
| Like when he seen this lion limping with a thorn stuck in its foot, |
| He just went up and hegently took it out. |
|
| And then he said a little prayer, and he blessed the lion then and there, |
| And stroked its mane, and this great big lion let him. |
| And then to show it could understand, it went up and it licked his hand, |
| And raised its paw, and knocked him down and et him. |
|
| God, I don't like this new vicar we got, and his wife, she ain't so hot, |
| He refers to her as "my good lady Helen." |
| She walks around in fancy clothes, like she got a smell underneath her nose, |
| And half the time, he looks like what she's smellin'. |
|
| I tell you, when I first got my place, that garden was a disgrace, |
| I tell you, it looked just like a wilderness. |
| Well, I worked day and night until I got it right, |
| Until I had cleared up the rotten mess. |
|
| Well, they too come past one day, sees my floral display, |
| And my lawn all smelling sweet and newly mown. |
| He says, "It shows what God can do with a little help from you," |
| I says, "You should've seen it when he had it on his own." |
|
| Still, I'll see Reverend Gray again, when my turn comes to go and then, |
| Cor, I sees it in me mind's eye every day. |
| There'd be a band of happy angels, all laughing, fit to bust, |
| And telling them the tale will be Reverend Gray. |
|
| He was a good man, he was a good man, I'll tell you that... |
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