Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West)| TV version and chords donated by friends of the page. |
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| You could Chear the hoof beats pound as they raced across the ground, |
| Am And the clatter of the wheels as they spun 'round and 'round. |
| And he Fgalloped into market street, his badge upon his chest, |
| His name was GErnie, and he drove the fastest milk cart in the Cwest. |
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| Now CErnie loved a widow, a lady known as Sue, |
| She lived Amall alone in Liddley Lane at number 22. |
| They Fsaid she was too good for him, she was haughty, proud and chic, |
| But GErnie got his cocoa there three times every Cweek. |
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| They called him CErnie, (AmErnie), |
| And he Fdrove the fastest Gmilk cart in the Cwest. |
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| She Csaid she'd like to bathe in milk, he said, "All right, sweetheart," |
| And when he'd Amfinished work one night he loaded up his cart. |
| He Fsaid, "D'you want it pasturized? 'Cause pasturized is best," |
| She says, "GErnie, I'll be happy if it comes up to my Cchest." |
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| That tickled old CErnie, (AmErnie), |
| And he Fdrove the fastest Gmilk cart in the Cwest. |
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| Now CErnie had a rival, an evil-looking man, |
| Called AmTwo-Ton Ted from Teddington and he drove the baker's van. |
| He Ftempted her with his treacle tarts and his tasty wholemeal bread, |
| And when she Gseen the size of his hot meat pies it very near turned her Chead. |
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| She Cnearly swooned at his macaroon and he said, "If you treat me right, |
| You'll have Amhot rolls every morning and crumpets every night." |
| He knew Fonce she sampled his layer cake he'd have his wicked way, |
| And all GErnie had to offer was a pint of milk a Cday. |
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| Poor CErnie, (AmErnie), |
| And he Fdrove the fastest Gmilk cart in the Cwest. |
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| One Clunch time Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door, |
| It Amdrove him mad to find it was still there at half past four. |
| And as he Flept down from his van hot blood through his veins did course, |
| And he Gwent across to Ernie's cart and didn't half kick his C'orse. |
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| Whose name was CTrigger, (AmTrigger), |
| And he Fpulled the fastest Gmilk cart in the Cwest. |
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| Now CErnie rushed out into the street, his gold top in his hand, |
| He Amsaid, "If you wanna marry Susie you'll fight for her like a man." |
| "Oh Fwhy don't we play cards for her?" he sneeringly replied, |
| "And Gjust to make it interesting we'll have 10 p. on the Cside." |
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| Now CErnie dragged him from his van and beneath the blazing sun, |
| They Amstood there face to face, and Ted went for his bun. |
| But FErnie was too quick, things didn't go the way Ted planned, |
| And a Gstrawberry-flavoured yogurt sent it spinning from his Chand. |
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| Now CSusie ran between them and tried to keep them apart, |
| As AmErnie, he pushed her aside and a rock cake caught him underneath his heart. |
| And he Flooked up in pained surprise and the concrete hardened crust, |
| Of a Gstale pork pie caught him in the eye and Ernie bit the Cdust. |
|
| Poor CErnie, (AmErnie), |
| And he Fdrove the fastest Gmilk cart in the Cwest. |
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| CErnie was only 52, he didn't wanna die, |
| And now he's Amgone to make deliveries in that milk round in the sky. |
| Where the Fcustomers are angels and ferocious dogs are banned, |
| And the Gmilkman's life is full of fun in that fairy, dairy Cland. |
|
| But a Cwoman's needs are many fold and Sue, she married Ted, |
| But Amstrange things happened on their wedding night as they lay in their bed. |
| Was Fthat the trees a-rustling? Or the hinges of the gate? |
| Or GErnie's ghostly gold tops a-rattling in their Ccrate? |
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| They won't forget CErnie, (AmErnie), |
| And he Fdrove the fastest Gmilk cart in the Cwest. |
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