Down on the Farm |
| Now when I drive the plough horse I put his blinkers on, |
| And I say, "Come on there, Joey boy, come on there Big John. |
| Come on Dick, come on Harry, come on Jake and Carter." |
| It makes him think he's got some help and he pulls a little harder. |
|
| Now I learned to swim when I was eight, (down on the farm) |
| My pa took me out to the middle of the lake, (down on the farm) |
| He pushed me out of the boat and said, "Son, swim back." (down on the farm) |
| I had a heck of a job gettin' out of the sack. (down on the farm) |
|
| Now my grandma went to the general store and said, "Do you sell gasoline? |
| Axel grease and turpentine, candles and quinine? |
| Artificial manure and mothballs?" the guy said, "We sure do, ma'am," |
| She said, "Well go and wash your hands and cut me a slice of ham." |
|
| She got a brand new hearing aid, (down on the farm) |
| She said, "It's worth every penny I paid." (down on the farm) |
| "Why I only had a week and yesterday, (down on the farm) |
| I heard from my sister in Holloway." (down on the farm) |
|
| Now our Indian farm hand said, "My wife not true to me, |
| Me want oranges, me plant orange tree. |
| Me plant corn, up come corn, plant bran, up come bran, |
| Last year me plant Indian and up come China man." |
|
| His daughters came to stay with us, (down on the farm) |
| But my brother Charlie got in first. (down on the farm) |
| He got the one called Lorna Doon, (down on the farm) |
| I got her sister, Nothin' Doon. (down on the farm) |
|
| Now Lorna asked me for a kiss, she said, "It won't do any harm, |
| And when I tell the folks that I've been kissed by the boy who runs the farm. |
| It'll be a feather in my cap, at least that's my belief," |
| I said, "Come into the wigwam and I'll make you an Indian chief." |
|
| Now the day I met my little squaw, (down on the farm) |
| I met my future mother-in-law. (down on the farm) |
| She's got the biggest mouth in all Nantucket, (down on the farm) |
| She sleeps with her false teeth in a bucket. (down on the farm) |
|
| Now at our honeymoon hotel I got the fever something cruel, |
| And Lorna brought me water to try and keep me cool. |
| Then she stopped bringing water though I was thirstier than hell, |
| I said, "Why you no bring water?" she said, "White man sit on well." |
|
| Last week I bought my ma some shoes, (down on the farm) |
| And I bought my pa a bottle of booze, (down on the farm) |
| I was gonna get a diary for my Great Aunt Nell, (down on the farm) |
| Only lately she ain't been looking too well. (down on the farm) |
|
| How you gonna keep 'em down on the farm, |
| After they've seen the barn. |
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